I'm avatar BSS (yes, that's my online username, and yes, I know how that sounds). I built thatnewone because I've spent the better part of two decades as an active member of the alternative scene, sometimes as a kinkster, sometimes as a swinger, sometimes just as a regular vanilla dater, and I've watched the apps and platforms in this space evolve up close.
I've been a member on every site we mention on the homepage, often simultaneously, and I owe each of them more than I can easily put into words. Let me say it plainly:
Standing on the shoulders of giants
FabSwingers built the UK's most enduring lifestyle community. The verification culture, the events listings, the feeling that there are real humans behind real profiles, none of that existed in adult dating before they made it the standard. They've kept the lights on for two decades and trained an entire generation of UK lifestylers in what good looks like.
FetLife normalised kink lists, controlled visibility, and the idea that kinky people deserve their own social network rather than being tolerated as oddities on someone else's platform. They created the public language of consent and negotiation that the wider scene now takes for granted.
Feeld made it culturally acceptable to be openly curious. They took kink, ENM, polyamory, and queerness out of the shadows and put them on the App Store with a beautiful, modern, inclusive design. Anyone who's now relaxed about saying they're "open" or "exploring" owes something to Feeld.
SwingHub kept the UK lifestyle scene approachable and unpretentious. Their straightforward profiles and social feed gave people a quieter, less performative place to find their people.
Pure proved that anonymity and frankness aren't incompatible. They showed you can be DTF and private at the same time, which a lot of platforms still struggle to allow.
Every one of these has helped shape the alternative communities into what they are now: confident, articulate, and increasingly mainstream. Something genuinely new is happening because of them: the alternative scene is overlapping more than ever with vanilla folk who are clearly interested in exploring more, but who don't want to be dropped in at the deep end.
That's the gap thatnewone is built for. Safe safe but with the option to be really filthy.
Why a new app was needed
For all the good those platforms have done, every one of them now has big paywalls in the way of doing anything actually useful. Free experiences are getting thinner. Curious newcomers hit a price tag before they've worked out what they're looking for. Long-time members are billed more and more for features that used to be standard.
That's not anyone's fault, exactly, but it's an obvious gap. So I sat down and asked: what if you took the best parts of all these platforms, ran a credible UK adult-only verification gate at the door, and then just refused to monetise the experience itself? Free messaging. Free matches. Free everything you actually need.
The answer was a small monthly Supporter plan for people who want to chip in, with no algorithm advantage and no second-class treatment for anyone who doesn't pay. That's it. That's the whole business model.
Why I'm doing this
I'm an IT architect by trade. I run a small business and build my own apps in evenings and weekends. I've watched the adult dating space stagnate for years while the underlying technology, especially around content moderation, image privacy, and verification, has moved forward enormously. We can do this much better than the incumbents are doing it. There just hasn't been an app willing to actually try.
I'm also a believer that adults deserve to be treated like adults. The hand-wringing and pearl-clutching about adult content online has produced a generation of platforms that are simultaneously sleazy and infantilising. We can do something that's frank, dignified, safe, and fun, all at once. That's the whole pitch.
What this app isn't
It isn't a porn site. It isn't a sex work platform. It isn't trying to replace Tinder. It's a place for verified adults to find other verified adults for whatever they're into, with privacy controls that actually mean something.
How decisions get made
I make them, for now. As we grow, I want to bring members into the loop on big calls about features, moderation policy, and direction. I'd rather be slow and right than fast and sleazy. If you've got opinions, I'd love to hear them. Contact me directly.
The promises
I'm pinning these here so you can hold me to them.
- Free users will never get a worse experience because of paying users. No artificial limits, no message caps, no profile boost auctions.
- We will not sell user data.
- We will not weaken privacy or moderation in pursuit of growth.
- If we ever get acquired, the acquirer will inherit these promises in writing or the deal will not happen.
Thanks for being here. Have fun, be kind, and tell me when we screw up.
— avatar BSS